


run from the lie within your eyes

by the_milky_way



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alpha Evan "Buck" Buckley, Alpha/Omega, Canon Compliant, Emotional Eddie Diaz, Emotions, Getting Together, Getting off, Hand Jobs, M/M, Omega Eddie Diaz, Protective Bobby Nash, Protective Evan "Buck" Buckley, emotional break down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:02:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22589857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_milky_way/pseuds/the_milky_way
Summary: This entire situation is slightly overwhelming. More so when he thinks about how fast he decided to finally do it. He's trying to hold on, to not fold to the way his body demands attention. It's not only that he suddenly craves closeness to certain people or wants to feel their touches all the time. It's also that his head's playing tricks on him. One second he is fine with keeping things how they are, the next he wants to go and drown himself in self-pity because he can't get what he suddenly desperately needs.Or the one where Eddie gets off suppressants, deals with a whirlwind of emotions and has Buck be there for him.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 25
Kudos: 324
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 5





	run from the lie within your eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Whis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whis/gifts).



> Hey Whis,
> 
> I took your first prompt and had so much fun with it. Eddie's emotions ran away from me though, so I have no idea if this even comes close to what you imagined and really hope you like it anyway.
> 
> Based on this prompt:  
>  _Everything is pretty much like what we've seen on the show, but it's an ABO universe, Buck is the Alpha and Eddie is the omega. Eddie has been on suppressants since he was a teenager, but with everything that happened, Shanno's death, the tsunami, almost losing Christopher and Buck, the lawsuit, the street fighting, and therapy, he is feeling odd in a way that is new to him. His therapist tells him that is because therapy is helping him to be himself, but the suppressants are acting as a barrier and if he doesn't get off them he might be unable to get where he is meant to be, so he has to decide what to do. He is afraid of getting off the suppressants because he knows it might change his relationship with everybody, but more importantly, with Buck. In the end, a talk with his abuela makes him realize it's something he has to do. But he wasn't ready for the way that Buck's alphaness would affect him. He had feelings for Buck from the beginning, but he was able to repress them and deny them, but biology is making it impossible to do so. And Buck is right there with him, feeling the same way He wasn't counting on Bobby being overprotective of Buck. The captain doesn't trust Eddie because of the Street Fighting._

Eddie is on an early shift today and he thanks God for it this time around. He woke up feeling weird, well weirder than he has in the last few days anyway. His life has been a rollercoaster recently and mostly due to his own doing. The thing is, he doesn’t really know how to get off of it and sort things in a reasonable manner. He’s always been a rational man but lately, things tend to get away from him.

This entire situation is slightly overwhelming. More so when he thinks about how fast he decided to finally do it. He's trying to hold on, to not fold to the way his body demands attention. It's not only that he suddenly craves closeness to certain people or wants to feel their touches all the time. It's also that his head's playing tricks on him. One second he is fine with keeping things how they are, the next he wants to go and drown himself in self-pity because he can't get what he suddenly desperately needs.

He's always hated the fact that his biology would play a big role in his life. He grew up in circles where Omegas weren't exactly frowned upon but where it was expected to suppress this side of oneself. It's sometimes still like that when he visits his parents. His closest family would never demand of him to be someone he isn't. Hell, his Abuela basically told him she thinks he's stupid for doing it so long. But he was still molded by society or rather part of a society where Omegas that didn't take suppressants were and still are seen as somewhat weak, unclean, maybe even as slutty. He never wanted to be viewed that way.

It's one of the reasons a 15-year-old Eddie Diaz decided to get on a strict regime as soon as it was possible. It's also one of the reasons why said teenager vowed to himself to never let anyone persuade him to get off of suppressants. He wanted to live a normal life without his biology dictating a major part of it. He wanted a healthy sex-drive without the threat of painful heats and forced bonds with people he didn’t want to be bonded with.

Little did he know back then how much of himself he'd suppress as well. He didn't even really think about it, just didn't want to deal with the hyped-up sexual desires and the urge to fold himself around some jackass alpha. He'd seen it happen. It so wasn't him. It never would be him. Eddie went on living thinking that getting on suppressants was the way to go. To effectively silence this side of himself felt right at the time he made that decision.

At 32 Eddie knows how much of an idiot he'd been back then and how much of an idiot he still is right now. Nothing in life stays the same or is ever as simple as you think when you are a kid or a teenager. Turns out, therapy sort of opened his eyes in a lot of ways. One of them being the fact that he's basically denied himself to be... well... himself.

++++

So yeah, this situation is overwhelming. And as he isn't the best in dealing with emotions related to his omega-status, never really learned how to do that. And of course, he went and chose to do it the way he knows. Eddie has been avoiding Buck for the last few days.

Because see, that's another thing about this entire mess. Therapy not only showed him how he might have been wrong going about his status. No, it also rubbed it in that he's totally gone on his best friend as well. The best friend who happens to be an alpha. Eddie has always seen himself as someone who could talk things through and could handle his emotions. Wrong again, at least when it comes to Buck.

Eddie is acutely aware of the fact that he has been dealing with emotions the wrong way recently. Everything with Buck, just briefly grieving over Shannon's death, even the street fighting debacle, it all had been his way of expressing something that has been pushing out of him ever since he joined the 118. Maybe even before that but moving to California and meeting these guys here, had pulled something loose he'd tried to keep locked up for years.

Buck and him, well, they have been heading towards something for a while now. But Eddie has been hesitant to actually pursue it, always feeling like something's been missing. Something that would be important for anything he might start with Buck. So he had talked about that in therapy.

It got him thinking. Frank asking if Eddie felt limited, if the suppressants might be the reason for it, had been the first small step towards making him question a lot of his past and recent decisions.

Eddie's mind had latched on to that suggestion in a way he hadn't anticipated. His thoughts had constantly circled around the one question for days. Did he want to get off the pills? Was he ready? Was it okay, to completely be himself and still have control over everything? He hated and still hates, even loathes losing control and being forced to give it up due to biology.

In the end, it had been his Abuela who had given him the proverbial kick in the ass. As it happened so often she'd simply asked a question he hadn't been prepared for. Would his feelings for Buck be any different if he went omega all the way? And really it was a kick in the balls to realize, that the answer was and still is a resounding no.

She told him to be brave, to be himself, to let himself be loved the way he deserved and wanted to. It didn't feel like a switch had been hit or anything like it. It still took him days to come to terms with the fact that he might have wasted a good part of his life trying to be someone he was never supposed to be.

And since he can be a little impulsive from time to time, a week ago Eddie thought to hell with it and just stopped. Well, not before actually sitting Christopher down and explaining what this might mean for their future. Eddie had to calm his down as much as himself at first. But it went smoother than expected when Christopher told him that he wants his dad to be happy and himself. The only part of his regimen Eddie does not abandon is the birth control one. Because really? He's not ready to touch that with a ten-foot pole - if ever. Probably never.

All his other pills he dropped in the toilet, said sorry to any lifeform down the sewer who would be dose with a rather unhealthy amount of omega-suppressants and called Buck. It was supposed to be a warning, a heads-up that Eddie might be going through a readjusting period in the next few days or weeks maybe. What it wasn't supposed to be was an invite for Buck to show up at his doorstep practically inhaling Eddie's scent the second he opened the door.

The thing that makes this situation even more overwhelming is that Eddie wasn't prepared for Buck's alphaness to hit him as hard and fast as it did then. He wanted to curl around the other man with an urgency that scared him more than he wanted to admit. It felt like losing control the instant an alpha was around. He hated it. He wanted that feeling gone as fast as possible. But the want to make Buck stay was way stronger. Eddie had barely been off suppressants for a day, wasn't even dealing with the fact that there suddenly were emotions, feelings, cravings where before there's only been a dull ache.

They had managed to keep their hands off each other. Barely but still. They had talked, mostly about the why and the why now. But that had been it. Eddie had sent Buck home only to collapse into bed, mind circling around the fact that had reacted exactly the way he didn't want to. The night had been one of the worst in his life - sleep-wise that is. With Christopher thankfully being at a sleepover Eddie had all the time in the world to talk himself into a dangerous mindset.

It only didn't spiral out of control because he managed to run into two different alphas on his way to the grocery store the next day. And he didn't react at all. Not even a little tick in his heartbeat or any kind of urge to get close. 

So it was just Buck than. 

Go figure.

++++

So he is avoiding Buck for now. And it is sort of ugly. The way Buck's confused gaze hits him every time they are on shift. Right now it hurts to keep himself from just going over where Buck is. Eddie feels the ache in his bones, in his body telling him to just stand up from the couch and walk into the station's kitchen. His muscles almost cramped with the effort of keeping himself from just plastering himself all over Buck, all over the strong back that's been presented to him right now.

Buck is talking to Hen and Bobby but Eddie doesn't know what about. He's only aware of the tension between them and not much else. Well, he is unfortunately also aware of the way his body is rebelling against him. It craves something Eddie can't give it. At least not now, not when they are on shift and he has to be professional.

His heart tells him to do it though, to just stand up, go over to Buck and hug him close. His body screams at him to do it. His mind, though... his mind keeps on yelling that it's just biology and not real. It keeps on screaming at him that he can't be this selfish and end a good friendship because biology dictates him to do so.

His mind keeps on telling him that this is all due to his recent decision and not because there's something mutual between them. Eddie knows it's bullshit but can't help it anyway. The conversation he almost walked in on a few days ago might have something to do with that particular line of thoughts as well. But he's not in the right mindset to dissect that now.

Now he's too busy keeping raging hormones under control all the while aching for Buck. Buck, who, for all his alphaness, looks like a kicked puppy about to cry. Buck, who is looking at him with a frown now, concern shining through. Eddie feels the swet be on his skin, unsure why it also feels like there's a fever fighting inside of him. He feels odd and shifts uncomfortably on the couch.

His heart's been pounding in a strange way ever since he entered the station at the start of shift. Too fast, too hard. He's still getting used to being off suppressants, getting used to the onslaught of feelings and moods that have been absent for the majority of his adult life. But today is different, today feels like too much all of a sudden.

Eddie shifts again and sees Bobby frown. The captain's words ring loud and clear in Eddie’s head as if the man was standing next to him, saying them again. He never did though, say them to Eddie that is. They were meant for Buck, Eddie only happened to walk in on them by accident.

Eddie knows he fucked up majorly with the fighting stunt he pulled. Trust is one of the most important things within the 118. And they've all done things that put cracks in it. And he's certainly not good with admitting he'd been wrong. Apologizing is something he's good at though and Buck's just too damn good-hearted to let Eddie stew in his misery, had forgiven him almost just as fast as Eddie had once they actually did talk to each other.

Bobby though, Bobby pulled every protective bone he had and let Buck know what he thought of this entire situation. Eddie takes a deep breath, feels like his lungs seize up at the thought of those words alone. They weren't meant for him but he knows he's the one who actually took them to heart.

_He's about to reach the last steps to the loft when he hears Bobby's voice._

_"Buck. I just want you to be careful. He's shown a lack of good judgment lately. I don't want you to get caught up in that. You had to deal with a lot lately. This might not be something you can help with." It hurts to hear Bobby talk like that even though Eddie knows he means well. Still, it hurts. He sort of gets now, how Buck must have felt when Bobby went behind his back._

_"I know, Bobby. I know. But Eddie and I.. we have talked. It's all good. I trust him. He's dealing with it. You know he is." Buck sounds like he believes it, like he trusts Eddie with everything he has. And it sends a jolt through Eddie's entire body. It's almost too much._

_"I don't really trust him with you. Not yet. He's got to figure out things and I am not sure that you need to be around for that."_

_"Bobby, really? That's exactly the moment when I should be... No, when I need to be there for him. He's going through a lot of changes and I sure as hell won't let him shoulder that alone. What kind of friend... partner would I be? No, just... this is something we need to do together."_

_Eddie doesn't hear Bobby's answer because he turns around and flees to the locker room. Because Bobby is right. What did he think would happen? He decided to fight, he decided to get off the suppressants. He can't expect Buck to just go along with it and let biology take over. That's not how it works. They both still have their free will, need to consent. And he hasn't even asked Buck... No.. it was his decision alone. His body. His decision. But he still doesn't need to pull Buck into the whirlwind that is his life right now. He'll keep things how they are._

_He won't take Buck away from Christopher. Never again. But everything else? Well, he'll have to deal with it on his own for now. Buck and him, they have just gotten back to being best friends again. Eddie decides not to jeopardize it. Bobby's right, he can't be trusted with his judgment lately._

"Eddie?" Buck's soft voice reaches through the fog of the memory and Eddie's a little startled to realize that Buck's sitting right next to him now. 

He blinks, briefly wonders why he's seeing everything through a veil until he feels the wetness on his cheeks. This should be embarrassing and Eddie is sure he'd blush furiously if he was capable of sorting through all the emotions suddenly crashing through him.

Buck's so close. Bobby's words are clawing their way through his head. His body reminds him that he needs to be closer to an alpha. His heart tells him that he has already found his alpha. But his mind still insists on being difficult. It reminds him that Buck deserves better, that everything is going too fast and that it's just biology, not real feelings. Eddie knows though, that his feelings are as real as they can get. That they have been like that since the first time he laid eyes on Buck.

"Hey Eddie. Come on, look at me please," Buck whispers as though not to scare Eddie. As though not to scare the emotional omega his best friend seemed to have turned into.

Eddie hates himself for a second there. He also feels like himself for the first time in ages. And that just takes his breath away. All those emotions rolling over him are part of him. All the pain, all the love he suddenly feels tenfold belongs to him and can't be attributed to some chemical substance meant to suppress. He never realized how much they influenced his being, his behavior.

He can't bring himself to look up, stares down at his hands unseeingly but desperate not to get lost in the deep blue of Buck's eyes. Eddie is a mess, feels like a newborn buck. That thought almost makes him snort at himself. He feels new, more inexperienced in dealing with emotions than ever before. The second Buck's hand touches the skin on his wrist Eddie gulps in air and desperately tries to hide the sob that wants to break free. This is not him and at the same time, it really is. He needs to get out of here, needs to hide, needs to get closer to Buck.

He needs Buck, wants Buck in any way he can and is allowed to. Has needed him all along. And he's only figuring this out in the middle of losing it.

"Come on. Let's get you out of here," Buck says against his temple. Eddie doesn't remember him moving in closer, doesn't know when Buck's arm wrapped around his shoulders. He only knows that there are still tears running down his overly hot cheeks, that he is slightly shaking apart in Buck's arms and that his mind is all jumbled.

Buck somehow gets them on their feet and they are halfway down the stairs when Eddie hears Bobby's surprised gasp in front of them. Eddie flinches involuntarily.

"Evan," he says, pleads and doesn't recognize his voice at all. 

He doesn't really know what he actually needs right now but it's not being here. Arms tighten around him even harder, pulling him against Buck's side like this is the only place where he is supposed to be.

Bobby says something then, Eddie isn't sure. Buck is twisting them away from everyone, shielding Eddie. Bobby's muttered "shit" rings through Eddie’s mind. Before he knows it though he is enclosed in the blissful darkness of one of the bunk rooms. Then he knows no more.

++++

He doesn't know how long they've been lying there. On one of the bunks, surrounded by the calming darkness. The silence when Eddie blinks back into reality seems catatonic but not in a bad way. Strong arms are wrapped around his body, having them placed just so to allow Eddie to hide his face against Buck’s neck. 

He's lost all feeling of time when he really comes back to himself. Buck's hand is gently scratching at the nape of his neck, twisting soft hairs between fingers without pulling. The other hand is resting on his back. It feels nice, grounding in a lot of ways.

"Back with me?" Buck whispers against his hair. This seems to develop into a thing with them. Eddie notes that his cheeks feel scratchy but that the tears must have stopped a while ago. 

"Yeah," he manages to croak out. 

Buck’s hand doesn't still as Eddie expected it to. It simply keeps on moving gently on his skin. He has a hard time not to arch into the touch, keeps fighting the urge to bury himself in Buck’s warmth and scent. Buck softly breathes in against Eddie’s hair and still doesn’t stop to play with his hair.

"Bobby ordered us to stay behind on calls today. Gotta take you home when you are up to it."

It startles Eddie a little. This can’t be right. He’s only just started working and says as much.

"But... I just started my shift." He waits for the shame to set in, for losing it as he did. It doesn't come, though. Which is a surprise if he’s honest. As much as he’d been fighting against all those omega cliches for the most of his life, right now in this second he sort of likes that he can hide behind it a little. Another aspect of it all to process soon.

"Eddie," Buck sighs. "That was hours ago. You've been out of it for quite a while."

"What?" He lifts his head a little, just so that he can pretend to be looking at Buck even though he doesn't see much. He feels Buck looking down at him though. "Christopher?"

"Chris is still at school. It hasn't been that long. You sort of... I don't know... Bobby said, the strain of suppressing yourself for so long and all the emotional stuff happening… And with the bond not complete… it was too much. He said you…”

The first thought Eddie has is the relief that Christopher is safe and not in immediate danger to witness his father's not so stellar dealing with being off suppressants. The second thought... well,... Bond? Seriously? No, there is no way Eddie would even touch that topic right now. Later. Much later he can start to think about the possibility that he might have found something with Buck that is said to be rare and beautiful. Later, but definitely not now. So he latches on to the tail end of Buck’s words.

"Completely lost it? Broke down?"

"No.. well yeah.. but that's not all. He said you finally got to feel the real thing for the first time in ages. It was a little too much I'd say." Buck sighs, pulls Eddie closer just so and breathes in again. If Eddie doesn’t know better he’d say Buck is scenting him. Which yeah, no. There is no such thing but it feels right anyway. 

"Wait. Bobby was in here?" Now Eddie does feel embarrassed. Can this day end now? He never wanted his captain to see him like that. Wholely unprepared for his own emotions and losing control only to be calmed down by the alpha closest to him. But that’s just it, isn’t it? Buck isn’t just any alpha that happened to be around. He is Eddie’s best friend still. He is the one Eddie desperately wants to be close to. No other alpha has had an effect on him. Not the ones in the grocery, not Bobby, none of them - just Buck.

"He wanted to check on you. Hen, too. But you wouldn't let go of me or let anyone else touch you. And then you just checked out. We thought it would be better to let you just be,” Buck says with so much fondness that Eddie blinks against the darkness and wishes he could see the others face. 

“Don't worry, no one else saw anything. Second shift wasn't around yet.”

"Thank God for small mercies," Eddie mumbles against Buck's skin and feels him shiver a little, instantly proud that he's the one eliciting that reaction.

They have never been this close before. Sure, they fell asleep against each other in various places. On the couches on either’s home, here at the station, even in the truck once after a grueling shift. But they have never laid down like this. And it feels safe in ways Eddie has never known before. Even with Shannon it was only after sex or when they tried to calm Christopher down. They never cuddled and when he held her it was always him being the one offering support. Being this close to someone else was never something he thought he needed or could ask for. Now he knows he does.

As if sensing Eddie’s need, Buck shifts them a little again. And then Eddie’s head is resting on a strong chest. He feels Buck’s heart beat a tad faster, can hear it, too. It also has the effect that Eddie suddenly greeted by a noseful of an alluring scent. It’s purely Buck and very alpha.

His alpha. Deep down Eddie knows it’s true, that he can avoid it any longer. He also knows that this will change things between them. That scares him like only thoughts of something happening to Christopher can. And Eddie needs to process this, needs to sort his head about it all before he can allow himself to be immersed in Buck. In his alpha.

But thinking about it, allowing himself to call Buck his alpha, if only in his mind for now, settles something in Eddie. It’s like pieces that have been misaligned all this time slot into place. And he suddenly very clearly knows what Frank meant about being held back by the suppressants. They were a barrier. And as stupid as it sounds, Eddie feels like himself for the first time since he was 15. Regrets surge forward with a vehemence that makes him gasp.

“Hey. No. Don’t think about it. It’s been your life and it’s been good for a long time. You got Chris out of it.” Buck says into the darkness that started to become stifling and now settles back into being a comfort. How Buck knows just what Eddie is thinking... Well, maybe he has to think about the bond thing a little sooner than expected.

Also, Buck knows him way too well. 

Eddie stays in Buck’s arms lying against his chest until he’s sure he can function rationally again. Getting up proves to be difficult though, mostly because Buck seems to be reluctant to let go. 

“Will you hide from me again?” Buck sounds relaxed but Eddie hears the uncertainty hidden in the words. It also sounds a little hesitant that Eddie does something that probably won’t help the situation they are in. He leans up, just slightly and finds Buck’s lips in the dark. It’s nothing spectacular. Just a soft touch. A reassurance.

“No. I won’t. We will talk. We need to. Just not here. Let me process for a bit. This came a little out of nowhere today. Well, maybe not really but sort of… I need to be home for that. Just.. come over after your shift? I.. I don’t really trust myself around you right now. There wouldn’t be much talking.”

Eddie knows Bobby would let Buck get off shift, would allow him to drive Eddie home. But the clearer his head gets the more he knows he needs a little time for himself. As much as being close to Buck calms his emotions, settles the turmoil inside of him, as excited is it, too.

“Ok. Yeah…” Buck whispers against his lips. Steals a quick soft kiss that feels like a promise for more. Then he lets Eddie get up and off the bunk. The outside world seems harsh and loud compared to the relative silence of the bunk room. Eddie almost flinches when he steps into the hallway. It’s like a cold shower to realize how much having his alpha this close shielded him. He craves having it back with a vengeance that almost makes his knees buckle.

A warm hand against the small of his back grounds him. Moving towards the exit doesn’t feel like such an undoable feat anymore. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees movement, realizes that Bobby has stopped in the middle of the stairs on his way down from the loft. He’s watching them but Eddie doesn’t know what to say, so he only briefly looks up. But that is enough to see realization and wonder flicker through the captain’s eyes. Bobby looks apologetic but doesn’t try to stop them or say anything for which Eddie is infinitely grateful.

“You good to drive?” Buck asks. Low and careful. So different from the overexcited puppy he usually comes across.

With a start Eddie knows that the suppressants didn’t only changed him but influenced Buck as well. His best friend, up until now, was never able to let his alpha-side show fully, aware that it wasn’t wanted. But now Buck stands there, supportive, calm, strong and exactly what Eddie needs. He turns without a warning and pulls Buck into a tight hug. He relishes the surprised grunt and the way Buck’s arms instantly come up around him.

It feels like coming home.

“Am good. Finish your shift. I’ll be at home,” Eddie answers while he steps back and lets go of Buck. For the first time today Eddie dares to look up into Buck’s eyes. And he doesn’t regret it. They shine with understanding and a fondness Eddie has never seen before.

“Good. I’ll talk to Bobby. And before you even think about protesting, save it. We are both taking tomorrow off.” There is command in Buck’s voice and Eddie simply nods. 

Relief floods him when he realizes that he wants to follow Buck’s command but could have said no, could have protested if he wanted to. He’s starting to learn that being an omega doesn’t mean he can’t be his own person. For the first time since coming home from his last tour, Eddie Diaz doesn’t have a problem handing over some control.

++++

Eddie has been aimlessly wandering around the house for the last ten minutes. He took a shower as soon as he got home. Washed all the tears, sweat and lingering anxiety off his still slightly overheated skin and settled into comfy sweats as well as a well-worn t-shirt. He took a short nap afterward, still somewhat reeling and exhausted.

When real sleep was eluding him and the glances to the clock became way too frequent for his liking, he got up and started to sort through the laundry piling up in his room. Despite having been in the military Eddie never quite got the hang out of doing shores the second they popped up. Procrastination was and still is his friend and he’ll do hell to get rid of him after all the years of co-existing. 

He has also cleaned up some of Christopher’s messes from breakfast and put away the clean dishes. He was about to pull out the vacuum cleaner when he realized that he was prepping his home. Eddie immediately put a stop to it. Buck has been here countless times before and Eddie never felt the urge to present his house as a suitable home.

That had been ten minutes ago and Eddie still rolls his eyes at himself for it. He snorts a little when he absentmindedly cleans the coffee table of the crumps Chris left behind this morning. Chris, who is in school and would probably call his dad silly for all the drama he unleashed today.

He picks up the frame showing Buck and Chris at the pier. It’s the photo Buck had sent him before everything went to hell. It’s such a happy sight that Eddie just wanted to have it around permanently. Placing it back on the cupboard Eddie heads to the kitchen, unsure as to why he feels restless and unexpectedly calm at the same time.

He didn’t dare to examine what had happened at the station. Because he knows he needs Buck here for that. He’s about to start a fresh pot of coffee because nothing calms his nerves than an overload of caffeine… not. Coffee hand he turns to the machine when he hears the key in the front door. Glancing at the oven clock Eddie frowns. Buck’s shift is far from over, so what is he doing here? Eddie just knows it’s Buck.

The coffee is brewing when Buck steps into the kitchen. They don’t say anything for a while, just stand there - Buck in the doorway and Eddie leaning against the counter - watching each other. Buck looks relaxed which Eddie envies him for. He has to actively keep himself from fidgeting. Buck has a small smile playing around his lips while he’s just watching Eddie. The tension is building between them in news ways, like it’s suddenly allowed to be there, to grow. They need to talk first though, so Eddie just does that.

“Got sent home?”

Buck snorts at that, shuffles a little forward, more into the kitchen and closer to Eddie. His arms are crossed over his chest, making the muscles show in a very enticing way. Eddie forces his eyes away, meeting Buck’s very amused gaze.

“Could say that.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow at that. He hates when Buck’s vague like that and Buck knows it. 

“Uh… I might have dropped my gear one time too often. And I also might have almost driven the truck into a wall because I was a little preoccupied,” Buck finally says all sheepish and smiling. 

“Preoccupied huh? Guess, Cap’s only protecting valuable equipment.”

Buck actually laughs at that. Eddie sees the moment when he gives himself a push and finally walks up to where Eddie is still leaning against the counter. They are standing close now, arms and thighs pressed against the other. And Eddie? Well, Eddie instantly relaxes into Buck’s warmth.

“Cap told me to get the fuck out of his station and to sort things with you. He doesn’t want to see us again until the bond is settled. Said, I’m more of a danger to myself than ever before,” Buck adds with another snort and Eddie smiles.

The bond again. 

It used to be so far from possible, so far out of his reach that he never even dared to think about it. Bonds don’t just happen between alphas and omegas. They develop when the constellation is just right, when everything fits. Eddie isn’t sure he deserves this. He turns his head a little, looks at Buck who is already watching him. Even with everything kind of in limbo, Eddie decides that getting off suppressants was the right thing to do.

Eddie feels it then, the tendrils of something connecting him to Buck in ways that are new and exhilarating but damn scary at the time. He doesn’t want to miss that feeling of belonging ever again. The second he admits to himself that he wants this, something snaps into place between them. Acceptance is the key to a settled bond. Eddie smiles when Buck gasps. 

One second Eddie is looking at his alpha the next his enveloped in strong arms being pulled against a strong body.

“This ok?” Buck breathes out and Eddie shivers. Because yes, fuck yes. This is so ok that he can’t even describe it. And they both know Buck’s not just talking about the hug.

“Yeah.”

They stay like that for a bit, relishing in each other’s presence, letting the currents of the bond settle some more. It will take a while to sort that one out, to get a routine going that doesn’t leave them distracted and lost in each other. They do have jobs that require their full concentration after all. 

It’s Buck who makes them move into the living room, settle on the couch with fresh cups of coffee in front of them. This feels like a normal afternoon after shift for all but a second before Buck’s all draped over him again. It draws a chuckled out of Eddie but he still sinks his fingers into Buck’s curls where they are springing loose from lack of product. He really likes this look on Buck.

He isn’t prepared for Buck to go straight for his most present insecurities. Maybe he should have been. This is Evan Buckley after all.

"You heard Bobby, didn't you?" Buck asks from where he has tugged his head against Eddie’s neck. And Eddie doesn’t need to ask what Buck means because he knows. Bobby’s words have haunted him. He doesn’t know what to say to that so he simply shrugs, hoping Buck gets it.

“He was just worried, Eddie. Showed it in a bad way though. When he saw you today, he knew he made it worse. He wants you to know he’s sorry. He’s sorry that his words have kept you from acknowledging the bond.” Buck shifts then drags himself up a little so that he can look at Eddie. Their foreheads are touching just so, enough for Eddie to see as the calming gesture it’s supposed to be.

“You got it in your head that Bobby was right, didn’t you? That’s why you have been avoiding me. But Eddie, Bobby’s wrong, ok? You and me, this is supposed to happen. So, are you done avoiding me?”

Eddie sighs out a breath, pulls Buck closer by his neck and slides their lips together. It’s just as soft and calm as the kiss in the bunk room was. But Eddie knows that if he allows it to it would become the prelude to something fierce. He pulls back though because there are words he needs to say. Words Buck needs to hear.

"I think I couldn't do it even if I wanted to. You... Evan, you are my alpha. Have been all along and I'm sorry... Sorry, it took breaking me down like that to actually figure it out."

Buck’s smile is a sign of beauty, brilliant and happy. Eddie wants it to be there forever. 

"I like it when you call me Evan. It sounds right when you do it, in a way it never has before. And I know you have been thinking that this between us is more due to an Alpha-Omega thing. But I know it's more than that. Way more."

And Eddie knows Buck is right. He knows he’s too far gone on the other man to deny that he’s in love with him. Such a scary thing to admit to himself but looking back, inevitable. This is definitely something between them that has almost nothing to do with being omega or being alpha. It’s just them having feelings for each other. Eddie is starting to think that biology might just be an added bonus at this point.

“I know.”

The kiss Buck initiates has nothing to do with the soft reassurance they need before. It’s all passion and relief pouring out, taking over.

+++++

Eddie stands in front of the mirror in his bedroom and stares at his neck. He is supposed to change into something presentable for picking Chris up from school. He hasn’t moved to get a new shirt from the dresser since he took the old one off. His eyes are locked on the hickey that’s blooming in the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

Buck really went to town once he was allowed to. With each kiss, lick, and bite he asserted his claim on Eddie. With each suck on heated skin, Eddie accepted it more and more. He’s been half-hard since Buck put his lips on him and he doesn’t know if he should be in public like that. He looks debauched already even though they have only been kissing on the couch.

He should get dressed, should get out of his sweats and into jeans but still can’t bring himself to move. Eddie has never seen himself look like that. The tension that seemed to be ever-present gone, replaced by a level of relaxation that is visible in the way he stands and moves. It’s even prominent in his eyes and the small smile that hasn’t left his lips yet.

He is an omega off suppressants now. He’s an omega who’s found his alpha. And it’s so completely different from what he expected that it has thrown him for more than one loop. And he’s pretty sure it will hit him a few more times in the future. Right now Eddie feels pretty damn good though.

Eyes still fixed on his skin he doesn’t realize Buck’s in the room with him until the other man steps behind him, winds his arms around Eddie and hooks his shin on Eddie’s shoulder. They make a good picture in the mirror and Eddie leans back into the embrace.

“Thought you might have gotten lost in the closet.”

Eddie barks out a laugh, sees his eyes crinkle with amusement.

“I was never lost in the closet, Evan. You simply didn’t ask.” And it’s true. Eddie never had a problem with liking men, too. 

It was always just about being his own man, deciding what he liked without letting the omega-biology win and force him into something. He’s got a good grasp on why that thought process derailed like it did but it was never about being with other men.

“Guess I didn’t. My bad,” Buck says against Eddie’s skin and then swipes his tongue over it. 

Eddie shivers. They don’t have time for that, they need to get ready to pick up Christopher soon. But he feels himself getting lost in the sensation of Buck licking and biting again. His cock twitches with more than just a little interest and Eddie doesn’t hold back the moan that builds in his throat.

Buck’s hands are roaming over his chest now, scratching slightly, leaving shallow red welts where they pass. He can see it clearly in the mirror and wonders if he should find this as hot as he does. Watching himself being claimed has never even been on the list of things that could get him going. Guess he should add it now because it definitely does get him going.

“Tell me to stop and I will. But god, Eddie.. I need you right now,” Buck all but growls out. 

Eddie just shakes his head, not trusting his voice, hoping Buck gets that if he stops Eddie will actually deck him. Buck seems to get the message loud and clear as he groans deeply. He drags them both a little backward until their legs hit Eddie’s bed. Buck stays behind him tough, front plastered against Eddie’s back, half having him sit in his lap half still keeping them on their feet.

“Evan…” Eddie doesn’t recognize his voice at all. He thinks he never sounded this turned on in his life.

Buck licks and bites at his should like he can’t get enough of it. Sucks another hickey into the skin. His hands wander over Eddie’s chest, stroking, scratching but never quite making it where Eddie wants them. His cock’s leaking, straining against the soft material of his sweats, seeking friction where there is none. Buck’s just as hard against his ass. And if that isn’t making him even harder, making him a little wetter even. He wants Buck like that but not now. This here and now, this is about something else. They just need to be close, feel each other, come together in a way that isn’t purely sexual but at the same time still is.

Eddie looks up again, watches the picture presented in the mirror and almost comes at the sight of them. Buck’s face is buried in his neck where he can feel teeth grazing skin. Feeling it and seeing it as well sends jolts through his body. It’s bordering on sensory overload and Eddie loves it. Added to that is the knowledge that it’s his alpha claiming him, marking him up. Eddie dips his head back, gives Buck more access and moans at the bite he receives in acknowledgment.

His mirror image looks flushed, red blotches on the chest accompany the welts left behind by Buck’s nails. Eddie is so focused on the way they look together that it takes him a second to realize where Buck’s hands are now. The instant his cock slips free from his sweats Eddie’s eyes slip down the mirror to where he can see Buck’s hands tugging.

He won’t last long. Doesn’t have to. This is something they both need right at this moment and neither of them is able to hold back. Buck’s fingers curling around him while his other hand scratches through the hair on his chest makes him shudder almost violently.

“Hmmm.. look at us, Eds. Look how well we fit,” Buck mumbles, eyes meeting Eddie’s in the mirror. They are both watching now. Both see Buck slowly thumbing over the leaking head and then stroking downwards. They both watch as Eddie seizes up, hands gripping Buck's arms, back arching, hips rocking, pumping into Buck’s hand. 

“Let go, Eddie. Just let go and be,” Buck growls against Eddie’s neck, then bites down hard and strokes one final time.

“Fuck.. Evan…” Eddie almost yells, feels himself obeying the slight command in Buck’s words. The mirror shows him twitching, white ropes of come splattering Buck’s hands and then he can’t take it anymore. He closes his eyes and lets himself just feel. The waves of pleasure, the feel of Buck’s hand stroking him through it, his brain shortening out, it’s almost too much. 

And then underneath it all the bond is tightening, settling into something that feels just right. When Eddie is able to open his eyes again, the sight that greets could be straight out of a porn movie. He is draped over Buck’s lap with them sitting on Eddie’s bed all the while his pants are still pulled down around his knees and his cock lying soft against his thigh. Buck’s hands are still roaming around his body though and his alpha has his face still buried in Eddie’s neck. His eyes though are watching them as well.

“Shit, man. That was… that is fucking hot.”

And yeah, Eddie has to agree. He smiles and doesn’t fight the urge to turn his head just so he can suck Buck’s lips into a searing kiss. Eddie’s fingers seek Buck’s curls again, scratching through them as he turns around to settle fully into Buck’s lap.

It’s then that he becomes aware of the wetness spreading in Buck’s own pants. Eddie can’t stop the satisfied grin pulling at his lips. He has to laugh out right when Buck groans against his mouth in embarrassment. 

“I haven’t done this since I was in highschool. See what you do to me, Diaz?” Buck complains lightheartedly when he pulls back from yet another kiss he couldn’t deny Eddie. 

“And just so you know, this is mutual. Ok? This is us. And I’m gonna keep you if you let me.”

Eddie nods and moves in for a simple soft kiss that within a day seem to have become their new way of reassuring each other. He stays in Buck’s lap for another minute or two, lets Buck hold him while scratching nails across his back this time. He doesn’t even care that he is mostly naked, exposed and sitting in a wet spot. This should be awkward, should probably send him into another emotional spiral - only it doesn’t.

His mind is calm for once, content to let him just be. 

“Shower?” Buck finally asks while getting them both up and settled back on their feet.

“Yep. But not together.” Eddie chuckles at the put the greets him and can’t resist sliding his fingers over Buck’s lips. “We do need to get Christopher soon. So, getting lost in each other again is not the best idea right now.” Eddie manages to tug his sweats back up and move towards the dresser where he dropped his fresh clothes even before Buck came in.

“Yeah. You are right. Don’t want the little man to think we have forgotten about him. Shower, Christoper, and pizza with movies later?” Buck moves to get out of his sticky pants and frowns. 

“Left side of the dresser, Evan. Your stuff’s still in there.”

Eddie should have realized sooner that this was what they were heading for. They have basically been dating all the time, with keys to their places and clothes in both of them. He’s almost embarrassed at them for being this damn oblivious and partly blames the suppressants as well. The grin Buck shoots him tells him he’s not alone in that realization. 

“And yes, to pizza and movies. You gonna stay over?”

“Right now only hell will be able to keep me away from you. Might as well use the chance of an additional day off,” Buck grins again.

“Oh, I am planning to take advantage of that, mi alfa,” Eddie winks at Buck before he walks into the bathroom and closes the door on a stunned face. This day turned out to be so very different from what he’d expected. But it turned into something Eddie thinks he’ll be very happy with and will gladly embark on.

The end

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for " Chocolate Box - Round 5".
> 
> Thanks so much, A., for the beta services and for listening to my ramblings along the way. All remaining mistakes are of course mine.
> 
> The title is a line from the song "I see you" by MISSIO.  
> I thought it fit.


End file.
